She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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