woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am midnight drunk by noon
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
