how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm at about main and main street
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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