So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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