"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
