I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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