so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
