I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
