My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
