he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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