This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
