everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
