Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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