So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
