I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I cut my penus on the lid.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
