I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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