remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
