No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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