Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
