I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
