Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I will be naked everywhere
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
