I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
