I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
