we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
