2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
