I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
