I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
