I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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