I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
