I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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