her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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