i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
