dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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