i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
