I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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