I want to stick my p in your. b.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
