very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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