im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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