I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
