My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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