I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
