i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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