: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
