doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
