I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
