I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
