Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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