I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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