hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
