There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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