My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
