I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it glows. i had to have it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
