I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
