i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
